Jane 
Move over, red sports cars and questionable hairpieces—the midlife crisis has, apparently, had a makeover. Forget the old cliches of fast cars, lovers on the side or motorbiking across the Sahara to find yourself; there’s a new game in town and it’s for women! While previous status symbols of a midlife crisis were male-oriented, the latest accessory for women facing a midlife crisis is a, drum roll, tattoos. Yes, tattoos.
‘No way, Jose’, was my first reaction. It’s still my second and third reaction and I am counting.
Are you brave enough to give it a go?
I suppose you don’t have to be a rock star or a biker to get a tattoo but do you know any or many ordinary folk in your friend and family space who have tattoos? I only know of one and it’s my Gen Z daughter. Her friends have tattoos too but they are about 40 years younger than me.
A quick focus group question posed to peer group friends on my WhatsApp elicited a chorus of, ‘no way’. Someone helpfully pointed out that David Beckham has many tattoos and is in his midlife.
He’s a superstar though and they live in a different universe. I am talking about ordinary women like me who have jobs and need to engage in the mundanity of normal life without someone looking at my tattoos and immediately making negative assumptions.
My daughter grimaces whenever I mention the point of societal integration. She calls me a ‘conformist’. I still like to think that I am that rebellious boomer who thought wearing leg warmers in the very hot country I grew up in was just cool. On the other hand, perhaps I am being way too old fashioned in thinking that only unmarked bare skin makes one acceptable in life. Then again, imagine turning up at the next family gathering where everyone stops and stares at you!
Besides, I am not willing to voluntarily endure pain in my midlife. Childbirth was my first and last hurrah on pain. Tattoos=pain. No doubt about that. Those who proudly show off their tattoos will also tell you how much pain they endured over the x number of hours it took, as if the process adds to their level of tattoo sainthood.
The Tattoo Experience
If I were to agree to getting a tattoo, here’s how I imagine it would go. I would walk into the tattoo parlor with all the confidence of a deer caught in headlights. The tattoo artist, who probably has more ink than my printer cartridge, will help me choose something ‘meaningful’, like a Celtic knot, an inspirational quote, or perhaps a cat’s face, if you are a cat lover like me. I would spend a long time choosing in the simple knowledge that this is something I will have to live with forever and probably regret having till eternity.
During the tattooing process, I would probably be berating myself endlessly for not listening to my first instincts. I might try some self-help talk along the lines of , ‘you have faced your midlife crisis head-on, and you will have the body art to prove it’. I would walk out reeling off a list of benefits in my mind and one-liners ever mindful that I might run into another risk averse midlife friend whose face will either crease up with laughter or puzzlement at my tattoo.
Benefits of Midlife Tattoos
- Storytelling Goldmine: Every tattoo has a story. “This dragon? My midlife crisis special.”
- Fashion Statement: “No more boring outfits. This tattoo is my ultimate accessory.”
- Bucket List Achievement: “Always wanted a tattoo but never had the guts till now”. This one would be a lie but, hey, you only live once.
I love those inspiration wall hangers so I would get one that says something ridiculous like, ‘Embrace your true, inked-up midlife self”.
Can you see yourself getting a tattoo?
